To My Daughter By Toni Hammer *Review

Writer Toni Hammer has took to Facebook with a letter for her Daughter stating a list of don’ts to remember as she grows up and it is going viral. Many woman seem to be inspired by her message saying ‘it will prevent her daughter apologising for who she is and help her become a stronger person’

Other positive comments about the letter:

‘…….Thankful & Proud that there is another Woman & Mother out there trying to instill Strength, Beauty & Grace in her own daughter w/ honesty & integrity! You are obviously a phenomenal woman!!!’

‘This is wonderful. I wish my Mother had had these words to impart to me when I was young. I’ve had to struggle for self acceptance and finally have achieved some sort of peace in my later years. I still occasionally apologize but it’s not for everything that I never had control over to start with. Acceptance is the key to my serenity. This is a wonderful reminder of how I need to treat myself. Life is too short to focus on imperfections. Be yourself with joy!’

However; not everyone seems to agree. A lot of readers view the letter as a negative message that can only further impact on an already ignorant society. The debate seems to argue that by teaching your daughter these ‘don’ts’ she will neglect to understand the importance of sometimes, having to do or say things you don’t necessarily want to for the benefit of others. Some feel it could teach her to lack empathy or allow her daughter to feel a sense of importance that prevents her understanding or caring how other people might feel.

One woman claims:

‘Our world is already full of people who couldn’t care less about others feelings. I don’t agree with this at all. You bump someone say sorry. I am glad my children say sorry when needed. You don’t have to be a doormat to be strong and independent. But you can first be KIND. In our effort to make strong women we forgot all about making nice people.’

Another states:

‘The sad thing is that this list is all from a negative perspective. Don’t don’t don’t.. If we teach and raise from the positive, there is no need for this. I love the list of things to teach my son, (which is mostly do do do) and I have said all along those are the things I teach my daughters as well as my sons. Strength. Confidence. Integrity. Manners. Kindness.’

What is your thoughts on the letter? Would you teach these to your child or do you feel it is sending out the wrong message? (Letter can be read below)

Personally, after reading the letter, I love it. Many of these ‘don’ts’ are definitely things I would be proud to teach my daughter and yes, from time to time she might well hurt someone’s feelings because she has been honest and true to herself or she might make someone feel uncomfortable because she has gone against social grain but that will be their problem. In a world that is ignorant and filled with people who force their opinions or expectations on people I hope my daughter has the strength to follow her own mind and yes, the message full of ‘don’ts’ may seem negative but the world is not all sweetness and light all of the time so why she our daughters be? It’s important to find a balance. These are all things I am likely to tell my daughter as she is growing up but she will also learn to love and respect others around her (who deserve it) If teaching little ‘don’ts’ like this allows my daughter to be true to herself then I am all for it.

All the negative comments surrounding the letter may well be genuine concerns but by the sounds of it, they have completely missed the point. Toni is not saying her daughter should be ignorant or unkind she is also not saying these are the only life lessons she will instil in her daughter. This Mum has a very sensible, intelligent head on her shoulders and I don’t doubt for a second she will also teach her daughter empathy, kindness and respect toward others. I’m sure her daughter will find a good balance and become a strong minded, independent woman like her Mum.

To My Daughter by Toni Hammer:


To my daughter,

Don’t apologize when someone else bumps into you.

Don’t say “sorry to be such a pain.” You’re not a pain. You’re a person with thoughts and feelings who deserves respect.

Don’t make up reasons as to why you can’t go out with a guy you don’t wanna go out with. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. A simple “no thanks” should be acceptable.

Don’t overthink what you eat in front of people. If you’re hungry, eat, and eat what you want. If you want pizza, don’t get a salad just because other people are around. Order the damn pizza.

Don’t keep your hair long to make someone else happy.

Don’t wear a dress if you don’t want to.

Don’t stay home because you don’t have anyone to go out with. Take yourself out. Have experiences by yourself and for yourself.

Don’t hold back your tears. Crying means you’re feeling something that needs to get out. It’s not a weakness. It’s being human.

Don’t smile because someone told you to.

Don’t be afraid to laugh at your own jokes.

Don’t say “yes” to be polite. Say “no” because it’s your life.

Don’t hide your opinions. Speak up and speak loudly. You should be heard.

Don’t apologize for being who you are. Be brave and bold and beautiful. Be unapologetically you

Let me know what you think? Good life lessons? Bad life lessons?

Find Toni Hammer via the link below. Remember to like her page and keep up to date with the many interesting things she has to say…

Tony Hammer’s Post


Mummy Said So x


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